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Below are the 20 most recent journal entries recorded in porcelainradica's LiveJournal:

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Saturday, April 15th, 2006
11:27 pm
house plants
coloured ribbons for arms
pinpoint the joints that hold my strings attached
deeply poetic words attack
synthetic waves on light blue walls
puddles and rain fall and seagulls
as the cars wash by riding the pipe line
the tide is rising up high
faster falling sinking sleeping with
feet in the middle heating up
on widdle waddles
seemingly still we are just
broken pieces of brittle with hard shells
you know i'm nuzzled well in your arms
beyond the alarm of false pretenses
so quiet and comfortable
this position is untrumpable
so just stop
so as to not analytically stew in my own demise..
peanuts for brains and guts to lye
sideways and drift as symphonies do
and this means lovely platonic to you
and sooner or later we both knew
someone would have to pass the blue
and i was hoping it'd be you
next time i see you i
precieve myself as such a dragg and i'm
walking in zig zags
i better start running cause i'm
pretty sure i've seen this before
and it's everybody's it tag.

Current Mood: on it
Sunday, January 15th, 2006
10:55 pm
i discovered a game
it has no name
and it's so simple anyone can play


an imagination
a finger, or any other warm material for that matter (finger works best)
cold winter, perferably windy
a window seat in a moving car
body heat
street lights

step one
rub the window until it appears to be clear and transparent

step two
slowly breathe on the payne of glass until it crystallizes into an icy canvas

step three
with finger or chosen material, melt target holes/fun pictures such as giraffes, people or suns into the frozen layer of ice on the window

step four
as the car drives along, attempt to score points by sinking lights through your targets

position yourself on an angle or in a corner where your eyes have a wide peripheral vision
vary the size of your targets
every so often reheat your canvas to keep your targets crisp

make your targets small or connecting
place your targets all over the canvas
attempt to 'alyoop' the lights
play with one eye closed

try to sink your targets to the beat of the song playing...yikes.

this should be decided by the participant based on the skill of the sink.

this little game can be quite fun, mentally stimulating, and maybe even a little romantic.
if anyone has the urge to play themselves, i encourage them to do so.
also, if a name comes to mind for this game, keep it to yourself
and on an windy winter night,
win big.

Current Mood: mellow
Friday, January 13th, 2006
9:30 am
seven summers old lovely like a toad
your fecund imagination grows
a prolific pear tree.
on this thought, what comes to mind when one chews on symbols of
hope and triumph of the human race?
a paraplegic man stands up and gives terry fox a hug.
the country cries uncle. or sister. or mother.
birth; people of different race plunging into their own worlds like lobsters.
breeding futility fruitfully. generating and propagating trial after trial.
reproducing rich, spawning, teeming humans.
others saving others from the affliction.
the bad words, and calamity, the contretemps and the clashing of patterns.
daddy reads little sally the Barren Steen Bears before bed.
then he falls asleep to the lullabies on the 11 o'clock news.
those who are out there, contributing their time. who are without trying.
letting things go. saving lives. smiling.
helping clean up natural disasters together. it does go noticed.
then the g8 shares a drink..to the world being made of papier-maché.
i could have done something more with these fingers of mine.
whacked less pinatas. bought less time.
more than typing or smearing paint. the agility is there.
want to learn guitar with me? will you teach me how to upholster ottomans?
an old woman of any race would show her grandson how to plant flowers. or crop feilds. or chop heads.
human accomplishments. achieving the impossible. inventing the cure-all.
tall structures like the sphynx, greek theatre houses or a box of bandaids come to mind.
quitting habits for good. trying to count the stars at night. expanding and contracting.
propheting and profitting. reeping all the pollen from the global honeysuckle.
antiseptics. tulip bulbs. the sun shining in the rain. quilts.
lighting a candle, a group hug, somebody walking in a set of snow prints left behind by somebody else.
gay marriage, cartwheels on a trampoline, a sunset with birds.
i got a puzzle for you.
and i have got a puzzle for you.
what is the cardinal number that is the sum of one and one and one...
and don't think.
and don't say troika.
and don't think twice, it's alright.
two people cultivated rocks, and found some bread and butter in the sand,
and all the food chains wanted a slice.
and from off to on and down to up and even too oddly,
they shamelessly shared what they had.

the end

Current Mood: on
Monday, December 12th, 2005
2:08 pm
the shifts-
we have enough energy in our index fingers to shut off New York. we are all present. we all live in our lives by making choices. simple decisions and hard ones, based on what place we are at, at this time. there are no Buts. we all live as we do. we all have fears and self doubt. any negativity we dispense onto others is a reflection of fear. it is a safe place to be here. it is safe to understand and be afraid of ourselves, because it is natural to be perplexed. if it wasn't natural, we wouldn't be perplexed individuals.

it is safe though, to move forward. our energy affects all living and inanimate things. these are the shifts... we can displace positive and negative energy just by thinking or believing it. we can deny ourselves the ability to change, but not the ability to grow. that happens whether we are aware of it or not. we can make bad choices and good ones and that is where the shifts occur. positive and negative are both very powerful plains to hover in. we react to what is around us. we chose to be passive and we chose to be proactive. to care strongly about someone is to love them deeply. even if you hurt them or lie to them or ignore them, that does not remove the imprint they have left in your soul. to hurt or run away are choices that one makes to coop with the place they are in. that doesn't make it right or wrong. it makes it a choice.

you can learn from your choices. you can feel the shifts from your choices and the shifts from the choices people make around you. you can deny them, still you will feel and store them in your body. you will carry them around with you, often unknowingly. it is a powerful state to tap into. to recognize the shifts of energy that transpire each day. to examine them and utilize them for making solid decisions that you believe in is even harder. to be honest is a choice. it can be a hard one. to say my name is kellyanne is easy, because it is true. to say i love myself is difficult because there are so many things about myself i feel i need to change. to say i understand myself is not completely true because there are so many choices i make which are easy ways out of hard situations. i know that i hurt and ignore and use people. and i do this because it is easier than being honest open and available with them and myself. it is impossible to go back in time and change what has transpired in the past.

what can be done is to listen to my impulses. impulses are natural. they are primitive. they are little feelings anywhere in your body. they can come out as thoughts or words or actions or emotions. we are just so simple. we are just people, living in different places. we all carry energy in and around us. some of us know it, and some of us don't. some of us have the gift of being able to get it out artistically and creatively. through poetry, painting, drawing, acting, dancing, song, breathing, musical instruments, spoken word, clothing, make up, our space - houses, rooms, in our hygiene, our diets, lifestyles, through our friendships and lovers, our families, through our presence or spaciness, through our ability to focus, through displacement, through loving strangers, thinking about the less fortunate, giving them a space in our heart, that affects everyone so much more than we will ever know. through honesty and dishonesty. through faith, if you chose to believe in higher power, or chose not to deny that there is a force guiding us through our journey. through trust. trust in our impulses. through trusting that we are safe in our bodies. through trusting that 'normal' is just another word as commonly used as 'apple' or 'raindrop' and that it is not a necessary plateau that must be reached to be satisfied with ourselves. that reflecting on actions that we've done that have hurt others is a choice. chosing to want to help others is as simple as thinking positively about them or it can be as simple as calling them and getting together to talk about the issue. both options are valid. they both may not rectify the situation.

the difference is the shift of energy. although small, the shift is there, maybe just within yourself to wish well to others. the shift is much bigger if the issue is shared because it is dealt with on a deeper level. it uproots deeper emotions, therefore exuding deeper, fuller energy. different environments affect our energy. we are all connected. people drop in and out of each others lives. every moment of the day, you are moving and making decisions. small and big. the colliding motion of decisions hitting each other manifests the shift of energy. it expands and contracts. it is propelled. it makes everything move. it can be deep and pensive. it can be completely unintentional. we feel things. all the time. our emotions are half of what makes us make decisions. although, we are not always aware that we rely so much on emotion to make decisions. sometimes it can be hard to let things go. to release. sometimes we don't know how to. we carry these things around with us inside our bodies. we are as consistent as light. there is always light inside us. even the coldest heart has warmth, or had warmth and was conditioned to shut it off. we scare ourselves or are not brave enough to put a face to our fears with intentions of fighting them.

it is not a bad thing to create goals for ourselves. we often don't set goals because we are afraid we won't make them, or more predominantly, we are afraid of what we will do once we've achieved our goals because that would require leaving the place we are currently in and exploring some place new and unknown. trusting impulse, change, choice, and decision. we all make them and feel them. we just don't always no why. cusp your hands together. flip your arms through themselves and give yourself a warm hug. stay there until you feel the 'woosh' through your body. you will. love yourself. today is the day you know where you are.

Current Mood: trusting
Wednesday, December 7th, 2005
2:52 pm
grass knuckles
sometimes i forget to..
slow down. breathe.
live my life moment by moment,
instead of living years ahead of each day.
understand the now.
that there is no other time but right now.
and i sometimes forget that my favorite colours are green and purple.
and i forget why.
that it is safe to be here.
and that it is safe to let myself move forward.
for while i think and trip and breathe, i am still moving.
and i am alive.
i forget to not deny that fact.
that i am my own individual.
and that it's all i have.
peace to be used.
sometimes i feel like my name should be lolita.
and other times, to be a meridith would be safe to my bones.
a satisfied sally or an oranized jane.
and that although orchids can sometimes be beautiful, they have been known to kill.
before i even begin to trust my instincts,
i must try to understand them.
i freeze on the inhale to and then release all the tension.
because tension is my worst enemy.
to be open and available
i must be honest and opportune.
open to change.
willing to change.
i cannot succumb to fear.
i must not procrastinate.
listen to boards of canada.
they're from scottland.

Current Mood: drop in
Friday, October 14th, 2005
7:21 pm
Oleanna - David Mammet
"why do you hate me? because you think me wrong? no, because i have, you think, power over you. listen to me. listen to me professer. it is the power that you hate. so deeply that, any atmosphere of free discussion is impossible. it isn't 'un-likely', it's impossible. isn't it. now, the thing which you find so cruel is that self same process of selection i, and my group, go through every day of our lives. in admittance to school, in our tests, our class rankings...is it unfair? i can't tell you. but if it is fair. or even if it's...'unfortunate but nessesary', then by god, so must it be for you. you write of your responsibility to the young. treat us with respect and that will show you your responsibility. you write that education is just hazing. but some of us worked damn hard to get here. and overcame prejustices. economic, sexual, things you can't even begin to imagine. and endured humiliations i pray you and those you love never have to encounter. to gain admittance here. to persue the same dream of security you yourself persue. we, who, who are at any moment in danger of being deprived of it by, by the administration, by our teachers, by you. by say, one low grade that doesn't get me into graduate school, or say, one capricious or inventive answer you don't find amusing. now do you begin to see, what it is to be subject to that power...? "

Current Mood: bitchin'
Thursday, October 13th, 2005
12:40 am
from 'the art of peace' ...

-eight forces sustain creation-
-movement and stillness-
-solidification and fluidity-
-extension and expansion-
-unification and division-

Current Mood: sound
Sunday, October 9th, 2005
11:38 am
favorite films.
i have a confession. i cry with pretty much every film i watch. like a leaky faucet. i don't think it's a bad thing though. i am emotionally tapped-in i suppose. my favorite kind of crying is when something overwhelmingly happy happens, and then the beautiful music comes, and your eyes cannot withhold shedding tears any longer. and it is such a release. to cry. i'm not sure why it feels so good, in the esophagus, and stomach muscles, and maybe even in the heart. it is so primitive and simplistic. when you're not even trying, and it just flows. it's the removal of armour. being completely vulnerable. when you can locate yourself in someone else's moment. and you lips begin to quiver a little. and you can't see it, but you know your cheeks are scrunching up and rouging like a bucket of cinnamon hearts. movies are great for letting our own problems seep out. nice music. very beautiful, touching music. and visually stunning scenery. it's a safe recipe for tears.

my favskis...
28 days later
a league of their own
alice in wonderland
apocolypse now
almost Famous
breakfast club
benny & june
dazed & confused
donnie darko
fear and loathing
finding Neverland
Garden State
Girl Interrupted
Good morning vitatnam
little princess
lock, stock, and two smoking barrels
my cousin vinny
office space
the Royal Tenenbaums
the secret garden
white Oleander
what's eating Gilbert Grape
virgin suicieds
what the bleep do we know anyway?

Current Mood: disarmed
Sunday, October 2nd, 2005
11:13 am
catapillar box
come to the edge i said.
-no, we're afraid.
come to the edge i said again.
-no, we're afraid we'll fall.
come to the edge i said once more.
and they came.
and i pushed them.
and they flew.

Current Mood: imaginative
Tuesday, September 27th, 2005
1:08 am
what is the meaning of life
she stands still. peering at the wreckage.
so it read;
"fortune. health. knowledge. success. woman. man. trust. progress. culture. frailty. healing. destiny. endurance. family. science. society. music. soul. faith. mind. help. security. drugs. time. trail. hunt. advance. innocence. smile. love. chance. relavace. ->fortune."
she looks out the window onto nothing at all.
she stands still deep until the window will fall.
her face pressed upon the payne she created.
the object of her game was to play with no objectives.
to trust it.
to let it grow.
she is the cultivator of this empty space.
the trinkle running down his thick payne.
the water which has left no room to breath.
is drowning his innocence.
she stands still. starring.
her thoughts are her life boat.
her words keep the rope tied toughly taught.
"tightly tied our tongues together, too twisted to truly taste the talk"

Current Mood: taught
Friday, June 10th, 2005
1:27 am
is this beautiful or pathetic?
honestly though, if you don't finish this, i'll understand.i have nothing planned. these songs just won't let me leave. i am not creative, or deeply rhetorical. i'm a first prize basket case struggling to tie her own shoes. i can't even fall asleep with out letting the butterflies lose. i am lentils all mixed in with the rice dish. and i can't ever be who i was to you last year or last bliss. and i am 19 years old. 229 months old. 993 weeks old. 6,953 days old. 166,872 hours old. 10,012,353 minutes old. 600,741,186 seconds old. who knows how late. and in the realm of possibilities, my sun sets on lake misery with the tide drawn in. you know when you don't even think about what you write. like talking to a stove for solace. sod i'm pathetic. why do i listen when nobody is talking? so this is what silence screams like. from up to down, side to side, front to back and through all time; i feel like your loser. covered in glitter and scaled off to size. last night i saw the world implode in my dream, does that mean my mind lies? i think i'm allergic to capital letters. the warmest green is knit into my sweater. i wish i was a little bit better at socializing. i wish your eyes wern't trampolines, cause then i wouldn't have gotten high off them. and as i absorb into my carpet i welcome the coarse rivets. my life is one small chafe.i declare myself permanently stuck in the birdcage. and it comes in waves; these spirts of creativity. most often when i'm enthralled by your passive ambiguity. and maybe in the back of your mind, you have a little idea of what you do to me. that's why i trust it. to turn into nothing but footsies in another dimension. it must be a cosmic plan, that i made up all in my head. i feel plasterscened. i feel like tea. if i had any paint, it'd be all over me. now here's the key, does the ocean use the tide or does the tide use the ocean? if you figure it out, tell me. and don't presumme this to be a plead/ it's just a lack of sanity with a beautiful melody at quarter to three.

Current Mood: compressed
Wednesday, June 8th, 2005
1:23 am
when it comes down to it..

for your own personal enjoyment,
please do not read this entry unless you are listenning to 'green onions' by booker t.


....................god or sod?
....green grass or green bills?
.......numbers or colours?
..mountains or hills?
....dawn or dusk?
........starlight or twilight?
....mango or pear?
.... write left or veer right?
........................tall tree or deep ground?
......open lost or empty found?
..bad or rad?
......sorry or sore?
...........lonely or torn?
........created or born?
...smell or taste?
....john or jane?
......drums or base?
.....run or chase?
.......jack or ace?
..mind or face?
..................check out or check in?
....good to lose or bad to win?
...to love or to sin?
.............bottle of whiskey or bottle of gin?
.....what's your favorite question?
..........polaris or mike harris?
.....shy or embarrassed?
.........buddy or terrorist?
..............humble or perilous?
....wise or denied?
........tired or tried?
.....fired or fried?
.................honnor or pride?
.....lie in the truth or thruth in the lie?
..........orange or tangerine?
......herbs or vacceen?
....mellow or mean?
.........do you know what i mean?
....real or a dream?
.......what's known or what's seen?
...........triangle or tambourine?
..distract or decieve?
.....stay or leave?
........heart or sleeve?
..........return or retreive?
............................believe fact or make belive?

Current Mood: inquisitive
Monday, June 6th, 2005
6:58 pm
dear mirror
where's the matter?
you look so very perilous.
what are you thinking about that scares you in the night.
tell me. but close your eyes first.
. . look away if you have to.
i'll turn off the sights.

thoughts have no matter,
yet they smother my mind.
shapeless, sideless, still passing time.
and when nothing else is working,
i cheer peach juice to the world.
i curl up into a book and paint my colors through your swirl.
too often my thoughts manifest at the lack of an pen.
they go off forgotten because i have no outlet for them.
not often enough does it rain to bloom color.
my soul is like oil beading up at the top of the water.
thoughts are my companion.
some are alarming and bias.
i get used to my backside,
having grown up so dishonest.

i see myself in you.
and i think that it's real.
a reflection can be useful;
for the thoughts that it steals.
but thoughts have no matter.
so i am starting to deal,
the dimension in which thought manifests
is in the place that you feel.

Current Mood: perilous
Monday, April 18th, 2005
10:49 pm
what would you do?
would you?
if you could save an entire rain forest, would you?
if you had to kill a bird to save the rain forest, would you?
or would you let the entire forest burn down, to save the bird's life?
something to think about...

Current Mood: undefined
Monday, April 4th, 2005
8:02 pm
for a taste of the shade -credit: Ten Lost Years
feelings running
feelings run in and out me
still i doubt me
how can this be?
people laughing
people i know are sleeping
some are keeping on and on
sun is setting on sea green water flowing
old men are rowing their boats
toward their homes
flowers dancing
deep in the woods
the bees work where the bears lurk
in the shade
for a taste of the shade
you're not on your own
feilds are muddy
now they'll be mounted loudly
by tractors proudly
cutting new roads
climate changing
hunger now grabs so many
who havn't any
of their own
people crying
stiffled by force and violence
now feel the silence
of their tears
heros rising
sparked by the will to end pain
never in vain
do they die?
oh do they die
people laughing
people i know are sleeping
while some are reeping all this owned
still i'm thinking someday you'll come to trust me
or is it just me
feeling so small
feelings running
feelings run in and out me
still i doubt me
how can this be?

Current Mood: tired
Sunday, April 3rd, 2005
8:26 pm
warm days
the mellow scent of coconut,
tickles my nose.
the breeze is welcoming.
the sun, beams down like melted chocolate on my skin.
my paddle cuts through emerald green water, cripsly.
we glide.
softly humming along, admireing the cliffs and trees.
keeping our eyes open for the site.

it is a warm snow fall.
the night sky is orange from pollution.
in skate shoes, we stride along the street walk. speechless.
the hand flashes at the corner.
we stop and look up.
we are frozen under the street light. staring night in the eye.
the flakes taste like dill pickle popcorn.
12 seconds of bliss.

rather jagged; this dock is a scrapbook.
from accross the lake, the hills roll into the sunset.
the water rocks like a seesaw, carrying thousands of oil drop bugs.
they scatter and regroup. and scatter again.
she picks the piece hair for me. 'somewhere close to the bottom' i say.
i pass her the bead.

he swoons my eye.
sits a few seats away from me.
i smile, and he breifly locks eyes, then looks out the window.
sun beaming, i look down and sink into the beatles.
from within the window reflection,
he is staring at me.
i smile, he smiles.
we both look away.

Current Mood: warm
Saturday, March 19th, 2005
7:52 pm
april come she will.
streams are ripe and sweltering.
may she will stay.
resting in his arms again.
june she'll change her tune.
and restless walks she'll prowl the night.
july she will fly.
and give no warning to her flight.
august die she must.
the autumn winds blow chilly and cold.
september, i remember.
loved ones loving till the day their gone.

Current Mood: up to down and all around
Friday, March 18th, 2005
1:07 pm
disregard the gun.
because the the script was written, but not performed.
the concept dwindled...and you're on the run.
you mushroom. so quickly.
you bring depth to faceious facades. your dark hair is blond.
draw it if you need to.
you can't disregard the gun.
is a warm gun.

Current Mood: discounted
Friday, March 11th, 2005
9:57 pm
ready lets go
music is math
beware the freindly stranger
sunshine recorder
in the annexe
julie and candy
the smallest weird number
energy warning
the beach at redpoint
opening the mouth
alpha and omega
i saw drones
the devil in the detais
a is to b as b is to c
over the horizon radar
down chorus
driving station
you could feel the shy
corse air
magic window
Wednesday, March 9th, 2005
2:40 pm
here's some pot for thought...
i strogly believe cannabis should be legalised... a big word-up to the people who are out there every day spreading the word and trying to save what is left of this poor, abused planet by utilizing hemp! Here are a few fun facts about cannabis...

The first Bibles were printed on hemp paper. The first US flag was made out of hemp. The US Constitution and Declaration of Independence were printed on hemp paper. An acre of hemp produces more than 4 times the amount of paper than an acre of trees, and it grows back in less than a year. Henry Ford made a hemp-mobile. "Marijuana" is just the Hispanic name for hemp, they are the exact same plant. (The name, "marijuana", was used by law enforcement and the media for this "Mexican killer weed" to taboo and sensationalize it in concerned North American's minds.) Birds live 20% longer when hemp seed is a part of their diet. Hemp seed oil has been used (and should be used) in everything from engine oil and paint, to cosmetics and foods for man and beast alike. In the 1600s, there were places in the US where growing hemp was enforced by law. You could pay your taxes with hemp for 200 years during the 1700s in the US. Hemp seeds have been a staple and a life-saver during many famines and food shortages throughout history (over 60% of Third World children are dying everyday because of protein starvation , but Mr. Government says they can't grow it because it's against the law!) There are receptors in the brain which science has found will bind with THC compounds alone, and no other. The depletion of the ozone layer threatens to reduce soy crops by up to 50%, but hemp is immune to the damages of ultraviolet light (it actually makes it produce more of the resin that contains the THC). Hemp is a more prolific producer of ethanol than corn!!Hemp requires little to no industry, it grows in the ground (cleaning the soil of toxins), then is cut, dried, and utilized... (Does it make any sense that the government doesn't jump on this, legalize it and tax the pants off of it instead of increasing everyone's already-insane taxes to reduce the country's deficit?? Tax pot!)

My point is, the plant simply rocks the spot and it would be doing our entire planet a great justice to utilize it to it's fullest potential.

Current Mood: high
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